just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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