yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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