Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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