The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize