yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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