Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
