U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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