she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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