i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
