Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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