So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
And then he peed in my hair
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