And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
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Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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