At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
