I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
