I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
