I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
