No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
