she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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