He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
