the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Randomize
