He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
