Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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