I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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