1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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