please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
