He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
