I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
