My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
