It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
