Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
