At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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