Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Two words: nipple clamps
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