You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
