I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
