Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
