just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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