What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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