I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
