He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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