Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
