I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
