it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
