Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
