My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
