yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
