last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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