he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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