If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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