She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
