you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
