I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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