we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
