my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
