I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
