1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
