her vagine was all disorganized.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
