I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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