At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
