It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
