I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
