what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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