swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
