you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
