So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
