What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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