We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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