And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
