never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
