I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
