see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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