Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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